Namaste 🙏🏻
'There are more fake gurus and false teachers in this world than the number of stars in the visible universe. Don’t confuse power-driven, self-centred people with true mentors. A genuine spiritual master will not direct your attention to himself or herself. He will not expect absolute obedience or utter admiration from you, but instead will help you to appreciate and admire your inner self. True mentors are as transparent as glass.'
Shams of Tabriz
The post-Soviet system of education boasted numerous benefits and laid an incredible foundation built on discipline and endurance. It taught her to aim high and always seek improvement, but certainly lacked life skills and social ethics. Her peers and she were taught the so called facts and theories, but looking at the 'other side' of the historical events or disputing philosophy, political views or opinions of their teachers were almost taboo. Their upbringing followed a very similar path. Expected to behave a certain way, like certain things and follow someone else's dreams, they were never permitted to disagree with the views of their elders. In fact, even a slight attempt to do so would be met with reproof, accompanied by 'They are older, they know better'.
When she started her Master's Degree in London, she was among the few in class who was hesitant to express her opinion, in fact, she didn't think she had one. And if she did, avoiding conversations where people held a different view was her best case scenario. Trying to convince them that they were wrong, pushing through a barrage of arguments from the 'script' and getting upset when failing to get their agreement was a sad but standard outcome. The inability to accept that there could be more than one way of interpretation of an event would also cause stress, angry complaints to friends and family - a subtle way to get approval - and in some cases resulted in poorly chosen language, which would hurt others. This explained many broken relationships and unneccesarily labelling of people as difficult, weird or wrong.
Now when looking back, it still pains her, but it also makes total sense. How very foolish, selfish and close-minded she was and how many lessons she missed due to her ignorance, lack of awareness, and partially the teachings she has received (or hasn't). Stating that she is no longer that way would be deceiving herself, but knowing that she can be that way is what motivates her to change. And most importantly it changes the teachers she chooses to learn from.
When she first turned to yoga, she did it for physical reasons and curiousity - to stay fit and to see what it was all about. It served her well back then. Her teachers would place great focus on physical practice and she loved it. She was based in London and had access to any studio she wanted and could choose whichever experienced trainer she wished to learn from - whatever 'experienced' meant to her back then. Slowly her yoga teachers started changing. She added into her schedule classes which involved mantra chanting, enchanted by the power of the sound, and eventually the decision to do teacher training in India turned her whole vision of yoga upside down. It wasn't so much about the physical practice anymore, but the ethics and behaviour which she was encouraged to learn. She started cooking more vegetarian dishes, found an amazing Sanskrit teacher online to understand the power of the yoga language and slowly found herself exploring more joy in simple everyday things like brewing an aromatic sencha tea and chilling on the balcony with her flatmate's cat. She started putting a call with her parents into her schedule so she wouldn't find anything else more 'exciting' to do instead. Her yoga course lead teacher used to say that if one had free time and didn't know what to do with it, they should spend it with their family. It really stuck with her.
Having been diagnosed with a chronic condition only a couple of years later added another whole layer to her perception of priorities and introduced another teacher to learn from. When unable to exercise she would read books and listen to podcasts on 'healthy living'; when unable to solve her anxiety puzzles, she would give her therapist a call to try and understand why, given the so called healthy lifestyle, she was still feeling sick. She discovered a complete different pain, which was teaching her something, but luckily this time she wasn't hurting anyone. She started to find courage to admit that she was wrong and reached out to those whom she had hurt and owed an apology. New habits, new choices and new teachers emerged that she couldn't have found earlier due to lack of awareness and understanding.
Nowadays she doesn't have the luxury of choosing any studio she likes; in fact there isn't a single one where she lives. There are hardly any events that could culturally educate her or connect with people who stare at the same Modern Art piece. She doesn't meet the same friends, who used to patiently wait for her to rush back after her pleasantly sweaty Dharma yoga session. They can no longer share wisdoms and laughs over a cup of a perfect flat white and a freshly baked cinnamon bun. She loves knowing that she had all of that. But also appreciates the way her life has so naturally been redirected towards other teachers, most of whom have never even agreed to this 'title'. They guide her to accept that other opinions also have the right to exist, that having a studio in town doesn't make anyone a better yogi. Some publish books on traumas, while others help her heal hers simply by sharing their presence. They make ancient wisdom accessible through modern technology and leave kind comments after her classes. They teach her to live with pain but to suffer less. They remind her of her past mistakes by doing exactly what she used to do and encourage her judge less. Sometimes they purr to say thank you for the food and teach her many other non-verbal tricks. They are her true mentors, who don't force her to be one way or another, but instead help her to appreciate her past with all its errors and direct her present where she feels the healthiest.
Have a healthy day
Do you know your true teachers?
People and content that have inspired me
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